Fear is an interesting thing. It can work with you or against you. The choice however, is in your hands.
I have always been someone to go after what I believe in whether that was getting that A in my English class or saving up for a trip that I have been dreaming about for months or years. All though for me to say I was not fearful from time to time when I do go for what I want in life, would be a lie.
I have meditated on the concept of fear and what that means to me. Fear is an illusion that is created within the mind that creates a barrier to what you want to do and what you think you can not do. The difference between the two? I use that barrier as a sense of motivation to work towards what I want to do and in doing so eliminate what I think I can not do.
A Day of Change
I promised myself to face my fears April 2017 which marks a year of a dark place I was in my life. I wanted to re-learn about myself, gain control of my self-being, grow and sprout into a woman I knew I could be but deep down inside a burning flame of fear holds me back.
On a rainy Tuesday early morning, I sat on the couch at 2:45am after tossing and turning in my sleep. I could not turn off my mind. It was racing faster than the speed of light. So, I decided to partake in a chakra cleansing meditation. I slide myself off the couch and sit on the wooden floors as I root myself and prepare to center my mind and body. As I start to mediate drops of fear glide down my face slowly and my heart begins to beat loud in my ears.
Still focusing on my consciousness I start to realize my reality. I was scared. I was scared of socializing with people and having them see the pain in my eyes. I was scared of being alone with my thoughts. I was scared of where I would be in the future. I was scared of where my health was and where it could bring me. I was scared to doing what I love in the eyes of those who cared and loved me. My reality was in a cycle of fear. Fear, that word kept on coming back to me as I cleansed my body to the healing energetic sound waves.
I was not in a happy place and fear was the reason why I could not get myself out. Now like any normal being, I would continue the fear cycle or start to break the cycle and go back to my daily routine as none of us truly like the process of adjusting to change. Though for some reason my gut told me its time. Time for what? It’s time. Time to work with fear, to climb your self out of this place of unhappiness. So what did I do? I always wanted to write and make a blog and I did exactly that. I started to meditate on my fears and reflect on my days every day to make sure I could remind myself where I am and where I am going. I started to connect to my spirituality ( finding my Darhma which essentially is finding my purpose) which as a big part of my life as a child though funny enough when all hope is lost one always connects back to spirituality.
I was blinded by fear and sometimes when we live in a society based on routine we get caught in our fears and they allow us to be stagnant in your life and I did not come to this life to be stagnant. I came into this life to grow and connect with all walks of life, which is why on this rainy April morning I promised myself to take remove the veil of fear and hold it with me in my pocket as a reminder of what barriers I need to get over, where I was, where I am now, and motivate me to where I will go in the future. I am still healing from my fears and that’s ok. Just remember don’t be blinded by fear, be guided by fear.